1’s & 0’s...(Post-Idnar Period)

This one was the latest entry in my personal "depression-era" poetry. I kept it as a kind of reminder of how I felt at one point in time in regards to someone whom I cared about. I posted it here as a sort of reflective memento. Kind of cheesy, i know, but it also acts as more of a personal reminder of how I seem to feel following a hard break-up. Safe to say, I'm a lot stronger than I was then. This specific one was shorter than the other two, meaning I either didn't feel as bad or didn't care as much (as in I was too livid) to write about it. I think it was the latter.

Now that you're either depressed or laughing your @$$ off, enjoy! =)

My time is now. I will no longer be under the control of my feelings. An undying love exists, but it is separate now from emotion. Emotion will bring destruction. It clouds thoughts. It brings pain and anger. It also brings happiness. But I can never forgive, not anymore. The truth hurts all involved, I understand that. Resolution comes from only your hand, not mine, no longer. Your thoughts are now displayed to me in 1's and 0's, but no new resolve was made. My fire can only be sparked by another's hand and not my own. I refuse to enrage the flames contained within again; only remain alone to see who approaches. Do what you will now, your fate, as well as mine is within each of our hands. Only time will observe the outcome. If you approach, it must be from a new road, a new journey that leads you to me, not the road filled with broken trees of weathered dreams. Find yourself within the forest of uncertainty, and maybe fate will show you to me again, if you so desire it.

[Friday, December 14, 2007]

The Devil in Leeloo's dress...(Post-Nej Period)

This one was the first entry in my personal "depression-era" poetry. I kept it as a kind of reminder of how I felt at one point in time in regards to someone whom I cared about. I posted it here as a sort of reflective memento. Kind of cheesy, i know, but it also acts as more of a personal reminder of how I seem to feel following a hard break-up. Safe to say, I'm a lot stronger than I was then. This specific one was following my first really hard break-up. As such, I don't remember caring too much about structure.

Now that you're either depressed or laughing your @$$ off, enjoy! =)

Still waiting, waiting, waiting for someone, someone who hasn't said something. Have not the guts to say what has to be said, so I to decline, I choose not to speak, to remain silent. I scream, quietly, and I rage softly, cautious and erupting, carefully and roughly I mingle. Tempting, fighting, raging against the darkness, the emptiness, the Limbo of emotions I've came to dwell within. I struggle, I will not go down, not with hope, not with possibility, with knowing that their there, waiting blindly, hearing deceit unknowingly, being led by false prophets disguised as good tidings as they fall into the depths of greener pastures sown with pesticides of ignorance, reaped with blindly believed lies and cooked by unknowing jealousy. The fruit to bare, feeling false and torn, knowing and feeling what they want, wanting what they want to feel, and knowing they cannot face what they are unsure of, so don't. Then I ask, what are you scared of? Of your lies? Of the truth? What did you push away, do you know? Was it false? Was it a lie? Then tell me, what was it? Tell me I'm wrong, tell me you deceived me. Explain your ingenious deception. Educate me in your lies, make me read of your false stories, and hidden truths behind your black eyeliner designed eyes, and your thrift shop technicolor dreamcoat. Tell me of your Rose colored glasses you attempt to see the world through, waiting for your paradise kiss by your peach girl. Tell me to shut up, to please read silently, tell me you found your pot of gold and I was just your lucky charm. Tell me. [May. 17th, 2003|03:32 am]

Stories... (Post-Nej Period)

This one was the second entry in my personal "depression-era" poetry. I kept it as a kind of reminder of how I felt at one point in time in regards to someone whom I cared about. I posted it here as a sort of reflective memento. Kind of cheesy, i know, but it also acts as more of a personal reminder of how I seem to feel following a hard break-up. Safe to say, I'm a lot stronger than I was then. This specific one was not as poetic as the first one in my opinion.

Now that you're either depressed or laughing your @$$ off, enjoy! =)

Howling, raging, the cold wind of your heart surrounds the room, you've entered, spotted your valentines past, your love formerly known no more
as you shed your heart drenched shoes to finally come and finish what unspoken words have already drowned.

Drowned in the unspoken, heard through electronic lies in 800x600 color, you shed the final curtain reveling your ingenious play before me.

The inquisition awaits you, no longer will we wait, no longer will I folly, no longer will I be the pawn behind your Red Queen, I choose the red pill,
I choose not to forget, I choose to be heard, I am here, you have to face me, you have silenced me with vocabulary unheard, no more, no longer.

You speak, words heard once before now take on new shape, spoken blood, hurt, pain run down your face once hidden by sugar coated lies, regret, sorrow leave your mouth, I hear words now, I see truth no longer hidden, reveled before me.

Fires burning made to linger on skin once burned, now silent. As fire from lungs air now singes your skin, lies,
truths unspoken now heard in surround sound, seen, for the first time.

I read your book, written in pain, drenched in lies, coated with the dust of betrayals past, read but not heard, heard then unseen, seen then touched no longer,
your story read quite clear, my thirst was quenched , though now hate remained.

Uncaring, and bags packed you had to take leave, leaving untouched by my love, expressionless, dead, your last look given in sorrow and guilt, you walk long past the door never to see us again...NO, it will not end like this!

I give in, and you run, hold me like you've never done,
I cry, knowing that you feel hurt, knowing that I can not ease your pain because you are the cause, knowing that this is your final embrace, I hold on
never wanting to give you release, release from this pain, from my hurt, from this love, or from me.

It's what you deserve, you caused my pain months uneased, my questions unanswered, my cloudy dreamed lies, yet in that embrace, all time was as one, all was forgotten,
and as you released, the world changed, the battle lost, but remembered.

Our stories read chapter by chapter, knowing the lines always heard, say them again so you never forget them, never forget feelings only half spent, never forget us, or me, never forget.

[May. 22nd, 2003|05:05 am]